I did it again the other day. I reviewed my day and was disappointed in myself because I spent so much time staring at television and computer screens, time that could have been spent following through on my various schemes to clean the house or work the land or make my contributions to the world in general.
And then I whined to myself in my journal about all the stuff I could be doing if I wasn’t watching British detective shows or movies. “What if all those ‘staring’ hours were replaced by ‘doing’ hours?” I wrote.
That’s part of the cycle, of course — waste my time, then waste time writing about what a goof I am for wasting time, then go waste some more time.
“There I go again — wanting my final act to be full of activity, instead of just being active,” I wrote. That is to say, there’s so much I want to do in these coming years as I make my final approach to whatever lies beyond the mortal realm, and I spend a lot of that precious time bemoaning the fact that I’m not following through, when the solution is to just shut up and follow through.
In fact, you could go back years in this blog and find (I would guess) a dozen or more entries that touch on this exact theme.
I am an infuriating psychological specimen.
Speaking of goofs, Dejah is sitting in front of the patio door whining to go outside. I’m going to open the door for her, then do my morning surf.
You haven’t asked for suggestions, but next time, turn off the tv and go outside with the dog. It changes your perspective and breaks the old cycle.
From someone who’s been there. 😌