Our story thus far: “What’s going on here, boys?” the great buck asked the worblatts. “You’ll find out soon enough,” said Bellzy defiantly but a little hopelessly, and turning to Bub, he added, “He’s going to kill us when he finds out.” “FINDS OUT WHAT?” asked a voice that seemed to come from everywhere at once.
The creature formerly known as the Evil One emerged from the woods and strode back into the field looking down at the two 20-foot-tall worblatts.
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I FIND OUT … WHAT?” The Thing said.
Bellzy and Bub looked at each other, seemed to be silently arguing which one had to say it, and then looked up at their boss.
“Please, sir,” Bub said, and he almost seemed to curtsy. “We accidentally told them that you aren’t the Evil One.”
Because The Thing was not a dragon, he could not emit smoke from his nostrils, but even so, he seemed to smolder for a few, very comfortable seconds.
At last, he said as quietly as a being larger than a worblatt could, “YOU HAD ONE JOB.”
“Well, yes,” Bellzy admitted, “but in Bub’s defense, I was actually the one who let it slip.”
“Huh,” Grenn said. “Honor among worblatts. Who woulda thunk.”
“SILENCE!” screamed The Thing as if he was a parody of a bad B-movie villain, that is to say, almost a parody of a parody.
And so we were all silent for another beat or two, or three.
“Are you going to kill us?” Bub asked, almost hopefully. “Or are you going to hurt us for a very long time, and then kill us?”
“I’M THINKING! I’M THINKING!” The Thing screamed.
“I must say, you are a very indecisive villain,” Dejah said. “First you went away to take time to decide if you’re going destroy everything, now you’re taking time to decide how to punish your worblatts.”
“HOW DARE YOU? DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”
“Now you sound like the eagle,” Summer said from the deck.
“And no, if you’re not the Evil One, we don’t know who you are,” the eagle said from the roof.
“Fellas, I don’t know if we want to irritate him any more than we have already,” said Grenn the elfin one.
“SILENCE!” screamed The Thing.
“Now you’re just repeating yourself,” said Seth the Dragon.
At that, the whatever-it-was that had been mistaken for the Evil One reared up, which made Seth rear up on his hind legs the way he had just before he turned Clancy the worblatt into ash.
They hung in time like that for what felt like an eternity, and smoke began to creep from the dragon’s nose and mouth.
Then, and I swear this is true, Seth said, “Go ahead. Make my day.”
They kept hanging in time for what felt like an eternity, and then, perhaps proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that The Thing was indeed a parody of a bad B-movie villain, he began to laugh a slow laugh. It was an evil laugh, the kind of laugh that a bad B-movie villain laughs when his bluff has been called but he’s not quite ready to back down.
“VERY WELL,” said The Thing, “HOLD YOUR ATOMIC BREATH, GODZILLA.”
“I know that was intended as an insult,” Seth said, “but thank you for the compliment.”
“ALL RIGHT!” The Thing snapped. “I’M NOT THE EVIL ONE, SO I CAN’T CONSUME ALL IN MY PATH.”
“Thank goodness,” said the doe, whose fawns were cowering behind her and the great buck.
“BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE ALL SAFE,” the enormous being continued. “AND IT DOESN’T MEAN TODAY IS NOT THE DAY OF THE EVIL ONE.”
“Uh oh,” Grenn said.
“IT ONLY MEANS HE’S NOT HERE YET,” said The Thing.
I began to wonder how I would write how the Evil One might talk. All-caps plus boldface? Not that that was my biggest worry.
“AS FOR YOU TWO,” the creature said, turning to Bellzy and Bub, who were trying to cower behind each other.
What was about to happen next had to wait, because of what did happen next.
