I don’t know if men still lord Ephesians 5:22 over their women; I suppose some probably do: “Look, it says right there in the Bible, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.’ I’m the head of this household, so what I say goes.”
Uh-huh. Back up a little, bud.
The line in question comes in the middle of a lengthy passage in which the apostle Paul talks about living as children of light — It says stuff like, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness … Do not get drunk on wine … Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.”
But you only need to back up one sentence to get the context of his suggestion to women:
“SUBMIT TO ONE ANOTHER OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST.”
Got that? “Submit to one another,” not “Make sure you realize who’s boss.”
And how should the husband submit to his wife?
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church …”
The most significant thing Christ did to show his love for the church was to sacrifice himself on the cross. Yep, husbands, you should be willing to die for her. Paul didn’t tell the Ephesians that she’s your slave so she can bring you a beer. It makes her the center of your love, and you need to be ready to do what it takes to preserve, protect and save her.
I’m personally uncomfortable with the idea of being in a position of authority over the woman I love. The women in my life haven’t needed a boss or a master — they have been more than capable of making their own decisions. If she and I have to decide something, we do it together, and if we disagree on the details or even the essentials, I don’t lay down a decree — we keep talking until we understand each other and are both comfortable moving forward.
If a woman submits to me as the “head,” I hope it’s because I made it clear that I am placing her needs above my own and she trusts me to make a decision that’s in both of our interests.
I wrote a little song about this that I hope to share with you someday soon. The first verse goes:
It’s not my place to say that you are mine —
No one can stake a claim to someone’s soul —
But sure as my soul sees you across time,
I declare, without a doubt, that I am yours.
