Ladies and gentlemen and assorted others, welcome to the show and congratulations for your excellent taste in entertainment! Today for your pleasure, we have a special selection of Chicken Littles with various variations on the theme of “It’s the end of the world as we know it!” I will leave it to your own determination as to whether they feel this is a good thing or not.
A roving musician is here to share her latest song, a little ditty about two young lovers and their adventures exploring life together. We’ll have a performance by Bonzo the Magic Dog, and a man in a cape who can bark “Jingle Bells.”
As always, a splendid time is guaranteed for all. So may I introduce to you an act you’ve known for all these years —
“Excuse me,” came a timid voice from the front row, interrupting the master of ceremonies, who stopped with a lurch.
Um, how may I help you?
“If it’s an act we’ve known for all these years, why do you need to introduce it?”
It’s a custom. It’s even in the song — “So may I introduce to you/An act you’ve known for all these years,” You see?
“Why not say, ‘May I introduce to you an act that needs no introduction’?”
Because it doesn’t rhyme! Nothing rhymes with introduction.
“Suction — gumption — numb chin — it’s not impossible.”
Look kid, do you want to see the show?
“Of course! I was just asking.”
Right. Well. On with the show, this is it!
And the crowd’s roar filled the room, the awkward beginning was soon forgotten, and later, many a patron was heard to say as we turned out the lights, “I had a splendid time. Wasn’t that just splendid?”
“Ahem.” Here now was a now-familiar timid voice in the front row.
Something I can help you with?
“Yes, well, I had a splendid time and all, but what was the point of it all?
POINT? You need it to have a point?
“Nobody likes to invest their time in something if it’s going to be pointless.”
Ah, you poor, misguided young person, you have obviously never voted in an election or scrolled through social media. People invest their time pointlessly all the time.
“So that’s the point?”
Well, it might be. It’s not really for me to say.
“This has been kind of a long way around to get to the point.”
It happens that way sometimes.
“But this was just silly.”
I suppose. But we need a little silliness sometimes, don’t we? Look, kid, did you have a splendid time or not?
“Well, yes, I already said it was very splendid.”
OK, then. That was the whole point.
“Splendid!”
