A vow kept

We gathered in the courtyard of the White Gull Inn in Fish Creek, Wisconsin, on Saturday morning, Jan. 28, 2017, to end our nearly 19-year engagement and enter into holy matrimony, Red and I. It was a small group — family, friends, and a roomful of breakfast witnesses who were surprised to see a wedding out the window.

Eight years later, it’s a Tuesday, and as of Monday it’s 19 months since death did us part.

I have not fully moved on, and Mary — the Hugger — knows this. We have “moved on” in the sense that we are enjoying a new relationship, and it’s as wondrous as anything I’ve experienced since I was new at this stuff, and I thank God for Mary.

But every so often the calendar creeps up and we get in touch with the part of us that is still anchored in the loss, and the sweet memories. There’s a date coming in March when Mary’s man will be gone five years. These are the days we hold each other up and let the memories roll through like a wave.

Every day together is a celebration and a reminder that life goes on. And on certain days, we remember who has left us, and wish they were still here, and savor the times when they were.

The future allure of the future

Facebook Memories reminded me Sunday that on Jan. 25, 2009, I wrote that I still think Plan 9 From Outer Space has the best opening line ever. I don’t think I’ve changed my mind in the intervening 16 years.

Of all my guilty pleasures, Plan 9 From Outer Space may be my guiltiest. Written, produced and directed by the infamous Ed Wood, this lowest of low-budget science fiction movies featured Bela Legosi, Vampira and Tor Johnson in a cautionary tale about grave robbers from outer space who try to stop Earth from developing a weapon that could destroy the universe itself.

For decades it has routinely appeared on lists of the worst movies ever made, but it does indeed have the best opening line in cinematic history. (This, of course, is my humble opinion.)

The movie opens with The Amazing Criswell, whom Wikipedia describes as “an American psychic known for wildly inaccurate predictions,” in silhouette behind a banner reading “Criswell Predicts.”

“Greetings, my friends,” Criswell says and then steps into immortality:

“We are all interested in the future for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.”

Criswell delivers this line with such gravitas and sincerity that it’s not until later that we realize how absurdly obvious it is. He sets the tone for an absurd movie that is delivered in all seriousness.

“All you of Earth are idiots,” the alien leader cries, and he’s absolutely right. We did develop a society where every new invention that could create paradise on Earth is instead converted into a weapon of mass destruction. But this fable is executed so poorly that we laugh heartily rather than contemplate our mortality.

And perhaps that’s for the best. As we teeter on the edge of destruction, perhaps it’s better to laugh than to cry. Perhaps we deserve to be mocked rather than taken seriously.

Because remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.