On composing new lists

Saturday evening I looked over my journal entries for the last couple of weeks and spotted two themes — one was Jesus, understandable because it was Easter Week and the message of Christ is up close and personal this time of year. The other was along the lines of “I’m tired. I wonder if it’s time to quit.”

I admit I AM tired. It takes a lot longer to do things I would breeze through a long time ago. I decided to step away from the news business in three weeks. Still, that’s mainly so I have more time to follow my other callings. I’m not done, don’t worry — not that I thought you were worried.

I’m retiring after May 19. I’m torn between 1. taking the rest of May off to rest and charging into the future starting June 1, or 2. Charging into the future starting May 20. Knowing me, it will be something between those two thoughts.

I lost a good friend this week, a “pen pal” friend I never met but always intended to visit one of these years. It was on my “maybe after I retire” list — Maybe Mary and I would go out to see him and his lovely wife, and maybe Mary could finally see the Grand Canyon while we’re out in that general direction.

I wrote to myself that maybe Mary and I can still go out to meet my dear friend’s wife, and then I stopped and wrote, “F- – – Maybe. I need to abolish Maybe from my vocabulary. I AM going to put in my last day as a reporter on May 19. I AM going to sell some books and music of my own making, and I AM going to put myself out there like (my friend) did. I AM going to take Mary to see the Grand Canyon, if she’s up for traveling.

“Am I starting to compile a Bucket List?” I wrote. “No, a To-Do List.”

A bucket list, you see, is a list of things you want to do before you die. It feels like a bucket list is focused on the ultimate deadline. A to-do list, on the other hand, is focused on the doing.

I then set my journal down and, instead of doing one of the things I’d been writing about, I lay down for a nap that lasted almost two hours. I did say I am tired.

“Are you really serious?” one might say. “Do you really want to make a mark on the world, or are you just getting ready for your very long nap?” What person is ever fully ready for that particular nap?

I have said that I hope to be in the middle of a bunch of projects when that time comes — a sign that I have remained active and productive to the end. I really do wish I was finishing projects at a more rapid pace as I go along — speaking of familiar themes — and I thought of two projects that I can certainly finish by the end of April, and so watch for a couple of announcements this week.

And I almost said, “so maybe watch for a couple of announcements,” but I resolve not to say the M-word anymore.