You can have my textbooks when you pry them from my cold, dead hands

A cute cartoon made the rounds of social media in recent days. It shows officers in camo who have just apprehended a guy dressed as a ninja, all in black with a mask and just his eyes showing, next to a Little Free Library.

“Janet? We got him,” one of the guys is saying into his walkie talkie, or an ancient cellphone, perhaps. “The guy who takes best-selling novels and leaves behind textbooks from 1978.”

The joke is, of course, that nobody wants to read or keep old textbooks, which can be pretty dry affairs.

And that got me thinking about my time at Ripon College, from 1971 to 1975. Not only do I still have many of my old textbooks, but they have a revered place on my bookshelves.

The Scarlet Letter. The Adventure of Huckleberry Finn. Moby-Dick, or The Whale. Poems of Emily Dickinson. Hawthorne: Selected Short Stories. Complete Works of William Shakespeare. Masters of Modern Drama.

People make fun of English majors and other products of the liberal arts. Me, I wanted to be an English major, and I even took so many drama courses — mostly the literature-focused ones — that I ended up with a double major.

I never understood the joke — what kind of decent job can an English major get? Really? What kind of job can a person get after studying language and how words can be put together properly and effectively? Yeah, that’s such a hard sell.

My life, like anyone’s, is full of choices and decisions I wish I had not made, but I have not spent a second regretting my choice to major in English at a liberal arts college.

I would bet my textbooks would be fairly popular if I left them in a Little Free Library. But I’m afraid, well, read the title of this post.

I judge books by their titles

I stare at the spines on the books stacked over my desk: “Reinvent Yourself.” “Dream Big.” “The Write Attitude.” “Boundaries of Order.” “Leaves of Grass.”

I linger longest at “Reinvent Yourself.”

Then a long-ago observation reignites as I stare at the fattest book: Wait a minute, grass doesn’t have leaves. Is that why casual readers first plucked it off the shelf — “What fool gives a book that silly title?” — and kept reading until Whitman was beloved?

Of course, it’s not that simple. Is it?

People do judge books by their covers, despite the familiar admonition, and a catchy title will get them to start reading sometimes, but once we have the reader’s attention, we have made a promise — that we will not waste your time, that we will provide something of value and hopefully memorable — and we’d best deliver on that promise.

And so, “One’s-Self I sing, a simple separate person, Yet utter the word Democratic, the word En-Masse,” wrote Whitman. “The Female equally with the Male I sing. Of Life immense in passion, pulse, and power …”

The leaves of that book proved fertile indeed.

An Attic Full of Lifetimes

A rickety old fella makes the rounds of a library or archive of some sort. Let’s call it a storage area for the collected works of an obscure poet-philosopher, along with the books and other detritus he accumulated in a lifetime. It’s the old fella’s job to catalog it all, but he keeps getting caught up reading this book or that, or while trying to determine the contents of a disc he finds himself reading the ancient texts contained therein.

Therefore he is years behind in his cataloging duties. Oddly, no one asks him to account for his time, and after awhile he begins to think that the world has forgotten not only about the obscure poet-philosopher but also about him, the cataloguer/archivist.

One day an enthusiastic fan appears at his doorstep, eager to learn all she can about the obscure poet-philosopher’s most obscure works and inspirations. “Where did he get the idea for that brilliant story he wrote that was universally ignored?”

“How do you even know about that story?”

“Yes, well, like I said, I’ve read everything he ever published,” she says.

They stand in the cluttered room that represents the poet-philosopher’s accumulated inspirations, and the rickety old fella gives a little laugh.

“It’s kind of mind-boggling how much work went into each and every one of these things,” he says. “Look at the thousands of names listed at the end of a single movie, each of the names representing a person who invested a certain amount of time to help create the story we’ve just seen. 

“Such an undertaking begins with the germ of an idea, but a community rises around the idea and generates a production of epic proportions. The human endeavor in a five-inch disc — hours and days and weeks and months and often years of effort forged into a trinket you can hold in your hand, but properly activated by the appropriate electronic player, a story comes alive to capture your attention for one or two hours or so.”

“It’s kind of true,” the fan says.

“Even a book that contains one story created by one person represents a lifetime of preludes and experiences with thousands of other people, and at least a few dozen people were involved with bringing the germ of an idea from the author’s mind and into your hands.

“I walk through these rooms where it’s all stored, all these lifetimes of creative energy ready and waiting to be absorbed into other humans. There’s a story to be told about each object, and I could take another lifetime to tell all of those stories.”

The cataloguer looks at the eager fan, as if seeing her again for the first time, and shrugs.

“So I’d best get on with it,” he says, and he picks up the object nearest to his hand, a book by a writer who wrote pulp fiction who flourished in the 1930s and 1940s. He also wrote a handful of novels, and this is one of those.

“Was it any good?” asks the eager fan.

“I don’t know. I’ve never read it,” the archivist says.

“Well, thanks for your time and for letting me see all of this,” she says. He sees her to the door and turns back to the shelves and boxes of the poet-philosopher’s holdings, still clutching the pulp fiction writer’s novel.

He sits down to read. After a few minutes he looks around at the room full of human life condensed into objects.

“My goodness,” he says to no one in particular. “This is going to take a while.”

Creativity is not competition, but …

This quote from Rick Rubin jumped out at me from a whole boatload of Rick Rubin quotes in his marvelous book, The Creative Act: A Way of Being. I’ll be unpacking stuff from this book for a very long time:

“Art is about the maker. Its aim: To be an expression of who we are. This makes competition absurd. Every artist’s playing field is specific to them. You are creating the work that best represents you. Another artists is making the work that best represents them. The two cannot be measured against one another …”

It’s a great thought. It puts to shame all the awards shows like the Oscars and the Grammys and the Tonys. How can you say the Best Picture or the Song of the Year is really better than all the other pictures and songs that were created last year? It’s not a competition.

How can I hold that view and also be tickled to death that Godzilla Minus One received three awards from the Seattle Film Critics Society — Best International Film, Best Visual Effects, and Villain of the Year?

What can I say? We humans are contradictory creatures.

By the way, Godzilla Minus One is still playing at about 1,000 theaters across the U.S. of A. I think I may have mentioned that you really should see it on the big screen.

Among other things, Rick Rubin is the guy who produced Johnny Cash’s last six albums, which are simply my favorite Johnny Cash albums. As I said at the start, there’s a boatload of wisdom about creativity in his book. I heartily recommend you take it for a sail.

In praise of the true detective

Photo 207819683 | Detective © Chernetskaya | Dreamstime.com

I think I’ve finally realized why I like murder mysteries so much. 

My mother adored Hercule Poirot and Perry Mason. Whenever she might be caught reading a book, you could bet Agatha Christie or Erle Stanley Gardner would be the author. I inherited her delight in the Belgian detective but have concluded that the invincible defense attorney is an acquired taste.

Incited by well-done television adaptations, I have found myself racing through the adventures of Harry Bosch, Walt Longmire, Cork O’Connor, Inspector Banks, and a few other current and former law officers who track down killers. And while Mason’s appeal as a defense attorney escapes me, I have relished every case that Mickey Haller and Andy Carpenter have tackled.

I have averaged consuming 84 books annually for the past six years, most of them audiobooks as I commute or otherwise cruise around northeast Wisconsin. That’s more than 500 books, and I would guess at least 200 of them have been murder mysteries.

Why? As I’ve been focusing in recent days about our culture of death and glorification of the exercise in mass murder called war, I thought about my appetite for detective and crime stories — what is their appeal to me? I drew three conclusions.

1. Among all genres of popular fiction, murder mysteries generally feature only one violent death, or perhaps a second or third as the killer fears discovery and seeks to cover up the original crime.

2. Each death is treated as an affront and an aberration.

3. And the goal is to apprehend and punish the killer, and preferably by putting him or her behind bars. A killer’s death is often depicted as an escape from justice.

Contrast this with typical behaviors in other mass entertainment. I am following the latest season of the TV show Reacher, and this week’s episode ended with a kill-or-be-killed showdown that claimed the fictional lives of three henchmen, but the mastermind got away to fight another episode or two. This was a defeat for the title character, who earlier in the episode had casually said of the bad guy, “We’re going to find him and kill him.”

Life is casually extinguished in these shows, usually in violent ways and as spectacularly as the writers can imagine. Is it any wonder why, out here in the world of non-fiction, so much violent death is condoned or even celebrated? 

Harry Bosch’s creed, oft quoted when he’s asked why he’s trying so hard to find the murderer of some low-life, is “Everyone matters or nobody matters.” Reacher’s creed is “We’re going to find him and kill him.” That may be the essence of why I prefer murder mysteries to “action” thrillers and the like.

The death of a single human being erases a lifetime of experiences, an entire universe of insights and interactions and contributions to the human adventure. When a person dies, the world is diminished. This is the central premise of the murder mystery: The deliberate taking of a life is a tragedy and a crime.

And that, I think, is why I like to read murder mysteries.

Uncle Warren’s Attic presents Ebenezer, Stave 5: ‘Boxing Day’

Will Edmund Filliput’s beloved, Isabella, come to breakfast with Edmund and the happy stranger on the day after Christmas? We find out in the gentle conclusion of Ebenezer: A sequel of sorts to A Christmas Carol.

Of course, this podcast series has been partially an attempt to encourage you to purchase your own keepsake copy of the book, now available in electronic, hardcover and softcover formats. But it’s also my Christmas gift to the universe, a sweet little story that I am proud to have been the human funnel for. For the last five weeks I have been reading you a chapter a week. It only has five chapters, so here’s the end, just in time for Christmas, my present to you and yours.

I spent the first half of 2023 in a nightmare and the second half of 2023 in mourning. I am not going to list 2023 among my 70 favorite years (I’m finishing off my 71st).

But 2023 is also the year I completed Ebenezer: A sequel of sorts to A Christmas Carol, and I am grateful to the God of the universe for distracting me from my sorrow to help me concoct a joyful story of redemption to brighten this season of light a little more.

(P.S. Sharp listeners will catch a cameo appearance by Dejah Thoris, Princess of Mars, under the last line of the story.)

To hear the whole story:

STAVE 1

STAVE 2

STAVE 3

STAVE 4

Meet the authors

I’m tickled to have been invited to sit in with two other local authors from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. today (Saturday, Dec. 16) at OtherWorld Books and More, a fun store at 41 N. Third Ave., Sturgeon Bay.

Patrick Baird has just released The Epsilon Passage, sequel to his military space saga The Nowhere Navy, and Erik Lange will have his new book Eternity’s Rising. I will be there with my little Christmas story Ebenezer: A sequel of sorts to A Christmas Carol.

Come on down, talk to the writers, buy our books and ask us to sign them for you, but browse through the store, chat with Margaret and David, and don’t go home without some nifty presents for yourself and your loved ones.

I’m looking forward to seeing you!