That time I just did it

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I was driving myself crazy again on Wednesday morning. As I do most days, I sat down with a paper journal and my favorite pen and started thinking on the page. I was unhappy with myself for spending too much time checking my “smart” phone and for having trouble coaxing my creative nature into writing stories — two ongoing challenges that have driven myself crazy over and over through the years.

I’ll let you listen in while I brainstormed solutions, because something magical suddenly happened.

“I have reduced my hours staring at the phone, but the laptop remains a source of distraction. If I could afford it — and if I believed I could maintain the discipline — I would buy a computer whose sole purpose would be as a writing instrument. When I opened the writing computer, it would be “word playtime” — period. Kind of like when I sit down with this journal … Hmmm …

“Maybe … Maybe I’m doing this all wrong. The Scarlet Letter and Moby Dick and Great Expectations were all written before typewriter keyboards — by hand — on paper — What if I were to write by hand — transfer the finished story to computer to clean it up?

“Part of me screams, ‘Stop talking about the process and just start writing, you fool, you cursed fool.”

And that’s when something magical happened.

I started writing a story. I filled five and a half pages of my journal with a brand new story. I listened to the part of me that was screaming, “Stop talking about the process and just start writing, you fool.” And what do you know? It was a great idea.

The story is not ready for prime time. It’s not finished by any stretch of the imagination. But when I stopped fretting about writing and just began to write, what do you know? I wrote.

I hope I can give this advice without infringing Nike’s trademark:

My fellow writers, stop worrying about writing.

Just do it.

ancient Edward Estlin

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ancient Edward Estlin

     knew what he was doing

to get randy young boys

      in from climbing trees

(squirrels and rabbits and all)

      to hunt down turns of phrase

(call this a poem?) bold and timid

      from behind their blinds.

— i wake from old man’s sleep

      to savor boyhood’s glee —

Fakin’ it to the end

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When I was who I was before,
I didn’t know how to be that man.
I’m still not sure what I’m doing,
But it comforts me to know
No one really does.

Maybe we all occasionally suffer
from “imposter syndrome”
because we’re, all of us, imposters,
playing at who we imagine we need to be
in order to be what we need to be,
whatever that is.

Only the foolish truly believe
they are in control
and on top of things. 

The honest humans understand
they will never have
all the answers.