The Dispatcher

© Ilkin Guliyev | Dreamstime.com

A random scenę, perhaps from the afterlife.

+ + + + +

He had a fuzzy feeling, the kind you have when you’ve just awakened from a vivid dream and don’t remember any of it.

“What am I doing here?” he said, then noticed he wasn’t alone. “Who are you?”

“I am the dispatcher on call,” said the other man, who seemed friendly at least. “You’ve been dispatched.”

“Wait, you mean like dispatched? as in I’m dead?”

“You could put it that way.”

“Well, how would you put it?” the dead man said indignantly.

“Just the way I did — you’ve been dispatched.”

“Well, patch me back up or something! This is inconceivable!”

“I’m afraid that’s out of the question.”

“Why?”

“Well, you’re dead.”

“Was that so hard to say?”

“It’s just not the way I’d say it normally,” said the dispatcher.

+ + + + +

I’m afraid that’s all I found in my notes. I’ll have to tuck this away for a day when the rest of the story strikes my fancy. Sorry about that.

April Fool’s!

What if all the things I announced over the years were just April Fool’s jokes?

• I’m going to write a trilogy of novels about a kaiju named Krayatura.

• My next novel, Jeep Thompson and the Lost Prince of Venus, will be published by the end of 2021. It will be the first in a series.

• I’m going to do a series of podcasts reading the Myke Phoenix Novelettes and eventually turn them into audiobooks.

• I’m going to release at least one album of my homemade music recordings this spring or summer.

• I’m going to publish 12 books in 2025.

Right! That’s the ticket — they were all April Fool’s pranks. Sorry, I hope you didn’t get your hopes up.

On the other hand — wouldn’t it be cool if they came true?

A knock on the door

“Feed me!” says the creative urge. “I need a dragon quest, or a search for a golden egg, or something.”

“How about a poem?” I ask.

“Pshaw, a snack,” it cries.

“I could scratch out a song,” I offer.

“I suppose.”

“How about a tasty blog post?”

“Boring! You do that all the time.”

“All right.” I take a deep breath. “It’s a bitter cold day in outer space. Ice would form instantly on the windows, except there’s no water out there. Suddenly they hear a knock on the door.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“Well, the explorers.”

“What are they exploring?”

“Outer space. Duh!”

“Yes, but why?”

“To see what’s out there. Plus, there’s some disaster going on back on Earth, and a message was sent from this area of space saying the answer is out here.”

“Better. Go on,” the creative urge urges.

“Well, one explorer says to the other, ‘Holy moly, what was that?’ He’s the Dudley Do-Right character who’s in love with the lady scientist, but she likes the bad boy pilot. It’s the sweet botanist, who keeps the plants alive and supplying oxygen, who loves Dudley. It’s a tangled web.”

“Silly and distracting. What about the knock on the door?”

“They turn on the external cameras, and there doesn’t seem to be anyone or anything out there, but the knock comes again.”

“Go on.”

“An ethereal something seeps through the door and stands there, glowing, in front of them.”

“How did it knock if it’s ethereal?”

“It just knows how to do these things.”

“Someone’s going to ask.”

“Fine. It can make itself partly solid long enough to pick up things or knock on doors.”

“How did it know that humans have a custom of knocking on doors?”

“Oh, good heavens! Don’t you know anything about suspension of disbelief?”

“I don’t believe that’s really a thing.”

I stop and stare at the creative urge. Then I look more carefully.

“Why, you’re not the creative urge at all. You’re the self-editor! Shoo! Shoo!”

“Ah, you’re just a hack and a pretender anyway,” the self-editor scowls as it rushes away.

The creative urge walks into the room, yawning.

“That was a great nap,” it says. “What did I miss?”

“Well, this ethereal something-or-other just entered the space ship and was about to introduce itself and explain about the disaster back on Earth that led to this mission.”

“I love missions into space to save the world!”

“Me, too,” says I. “So you won’t believe what happens next.”

“Try me,” says the real creative urge.